Being Swallowed by the Darkness
by Under the Setting Sun
Summary: While in Afghanistan, Deeks takes a momentary decent into darkness after receiving the picture of his "dead" partner. My take on the deleted scene from Spoils of War.


Disclaimer: The characters of N.C.I.S. Los Angeles are property of CBS

A/N: These scenes will not be verbatim to Spoils of War; my memory is good, but not where I can remember every bit about it.

Deeks and Makar were in the house for what seemed like days, but it was only about five hours, maybe. Deeks was losing his patients with the blind cleric. So Deeks started his own brand of torture: no eating or sleeping until the cleric gave up the information.

"He's doesn't know anything." Makar said.

"I have my doubts." Deeks said as he continued on with his impromptu torture session.

This went on for a few more hours before Deeks received a call from Hetty.

"Tell me you have some good news Hetty." Deeks said on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"No it's not. Mr. Callen and the rest of the team were out and they came across a computer with a picture of Kensi on it. It appears that she has been killed but the picture is suspect..." Hetty said trailing off.

{What.} Deeks thought. {Kensi ..is... dead.}

"Hetty send me the picture." Deeks said frantically.

"Mr. Deeks I don't think that-"

"Send me the picture Hetty!" Deeks exclaimed.

There was a moment of silence while Deeks was waiting for the picture to be sent to his phone. Then Deeks heard a beep coming from his phone and saw that he had a message. Deeks braced himself for what would be the most devastating loss he has experienced since Traynor, but what he saw next Deeks could not have prepared himself for. Deeks opens the attachment and sees a picture of Kensi lying on the cave floor with her throat slit; a slit that spans the width of neck and blood draining from the cut. Deeks body is suffering the onslaught of emotions: sadness, sorrow, guilt, and rage. Deeks felt rage start to build in his body, and before he lets the emotion reach a boiling point and consumes his whole being Deeks thinks back to the night before this whole operation kicked off; "their" night.

***Flashback****

Kensi and Deeks had been home for an hour after they left the restaurant. They found their way into Deeks bed room; with Deeks lying on top of Kensi. Kensi froze for a bit and it caught Deeks attention.

"What's wrong?" Deeks asked, unsure if he made a mistake by making his intentions known and bring Kenis back to his place.

"You know if we do this, this changes everything." Kensi said staring into Deeks eyes, and Deeks stares right back into hers.

"So what do you want to do?" Deeks asks.

"I don't want to choose." Kensi said.

"Then don't, don't choose, we don't choose." Deeks said; whatever doubts he had before are long gone now.

"No, that's not how it works. What do you think is going to happen?" Kensi asked.

"I don't know….. I don't care." Deeks said.

Deeks didn't care about the consequences of this night, or if they became a couple. From the look in her eyes it wasn't the answer that Kensi was expecting.

{She's always up my butt about speaking the truth and then when I give it to her, she freaks.} Deeks thought.

"Deeks what are you doing to me?" Kensi asked, the tears brimming in her eyes.

Kensi lifts her torso to kiss Deeks.

"Falling in love with you." Deeks spoke into the kiss.

**** End Flashback****

Just as quickly as the flashback came, it left just as quickly. And with it took his heart, and a piece of his soul. The rage had reached a breaking point. Deeks turned around and shove the blind cleric onto the floor.

"GIVE ME A NAME!" Deeks shouted.

"This will not bring your partner back." Makar said attempting to spare the blind clerics' life.

"THAT IS MY PARTNER!" Deeks exclaimed showing the picture of his "dead" partner.

Deeks saw a bucket in the corner and had an idea. He picked the blind cleric up, grabbed the bucket and walked over to the sink. Deeks could hear Makar talking, but couldn't hear him over the blood rushing in his ears. Deeks wet a rag, and then went back to the cleric. Deeks heard more protesting as he put the wet rag over the mans' face and cinched it down with his hands. Deeks tilted the chair back and lift the bucket.

"Tell him I'll see him in Hell." Deeks said as he started to pour the bucket onto the man's face.

It took all of two screams from the cleric before Deeks blood rage was shattered and Deeks realized what he was doing. Deeks dropped the bucket, put the man back on the ground, and removed the rag from his face. Deeks apologized profusely to the man, and wanted Makar to translate as so.

{So I'm becoming that monster: Gordon Brandel.} Deeks thought

After Deeks got cleaned up and made a bowl of food for the man Makar decide to speak up.

"But in the end the question of war and torture is not what it does to our enemies but what it does to ourselves."

"If I knew killing him would bring her back, I'd cut off his head." Deeks said.

Deeks grabbed the bowl and walked back to the table and put it down in front of the cleric. Deeks freed the cleric from his restraints.

"Tell him to eat." Deeks said, and then went to make himself a bowl.

The end

A/N: Everybody is writing a story from Kensi point of view. I thought I would be different, still doing it during Spoils of War, but have Deeks suffer.


End file.
